Limbo....

Limbo

(Late Lat. limbus) a word of Teutonic derivation, meaning literally "hem" or "border," as of a garment, or anything joined on (cf. Italian lembo or English limb).

In theological usage the name is applied to (a) the temporary place or state of the souls of the just who, although purified from sin, were excluded from the beatific vision until Christ's triumphant ascension into Heaven (the "limbus patrum"); or (b) to the permanent place or state of those unbaptized children and others who, dying without grievous personal sin, are excluded from the beatific vision on account of original sin alone (the "limbus infantium" or "puerorum").

In literary usage the name is sometimes applied in a wider and more general sense to any place or state of restraint, confinement, or exclusion, and is practically equivalent to "prison" (see, e.g., Milton, "Paradise Lost," III, 495; Butler, "Hudibras," part II, canto i, and other English classics). The not unnatural transition from the theological to the literary usage is exemplified in Shakespeare, "Henry VIII," act v, sc. 3.

- from the New Advent Catholic Dictionary.

So this is how it feels to be in limbo. Well, perhaps limbo in a figurative sense. I'm currently awaiting my fate on several fronts. My career, my plans to further my education, my personal life...they're all on the edge of a precipice, waiting for things that are uncertain at best.

If you ask most people what they see themselves doing in, say a year from now, a fair number of them will probably be able to give you an answer right off the bat. Ask me what I see myself doing in a month, and I honestly cannot give you an answer. I really don't know.

I've always been fond of telling people that on occassion we have to take risks in our lives. And though I have always been one to follow my own advice, I never thought that I would be taking multiple risks. And all at roughly the same time. Of course, they're all calculated risks...well, except for one, but I rather not get into that.

Well it seems that I have been caught up in my own personal hoopla and now my fate, whatever that may be, awaits. In a day or two, everything could go my way. Of course, I never was that lucky. Or maybe it has nothing to do with luck. In a day or two I could crash and burn as well. But then again, I was never a stranger to failure. It has been hounding me for the longest time now, on occassion gaining ground, sometimes losing ground, but nonetheless it remains there, continuously nipping at my heels. If that isn't a motivation to get you going I don't know what is. The fear of failure can make you do things you never thought possible.

Perhaps it's just this feeling of uncertainty, of not knowing what will happen next which is throwing me off kilter. An apocryphal reputation that you have to live up to, as well as a corporate culture concerned with power, influence and personal gain is not helpful as well. But we do what we have to do people, whether we want to or not. The same way we always get what we deserve. Whether we deserve it or not.

At the back of my mind, I have learned to accept that everything happens for a reason, and that everything that happens is according to His will. And that should be good enough for me. So what will happen in the next few weeks? Damned if I know. But I'm ready. I have been for the longest time...:-)