If Noah was Pinoy....

It is the year 2005 and Noah lives in the PHILIPPINES.

The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth.

Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.

"In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into tumult.

The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.

"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems.

First, I had to get a Mayor's permit for construction and your plans "did not comply with the codes". I had to hire their "engineering firm" and "redraw" the plans.

Then I got into a fight with Municipal Fire Safety Inspector over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and extinguishers.

Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a permit from the municipal planning office.

I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Monkey-Eating Eagle.

I finally convinced the DENR that I needed the wood to save the eagles. However, the DENR won't let me catch any eagles. So, no eagles.

The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the KMU. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no eagles.

When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

Just when I got the suit dismissed, the DENR again notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact assessment on your proposed flood.

They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

Then the DPWH demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan. I sent them a globe.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the DOLE that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

The BIR has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the BIR that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft."

The NBI and ISAFP each wanted a piece of the action alleging that the would be used by the Magdalo soldiers to escape.

The PNP on the other hand insists that Misuari might use the Ark to flee to Indonesia.

Malacanang sees the opportunity to use the Ark for GMA's Strong Republic Nautical Highway presidential campaign sorties.

Finally the Senate got the courts to issue a TRO against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.

I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 10 or 16 years!"

Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully.

"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government is already doing that!!!"

Sent to me by Rain. Thanks Rain! :-)

Comments

Ronald Allan said…
The sad thing is...it's probably not that far off from reality...:-)
October 22, 2005 5:28 PM
OptyMyst said…
you, us, the entire world. thank rain for me too, ron! great piece.
:)
October 22, 2005 8:17 PM
Ronald Allan said…
I'll be sure to pass your word on. :-) Thanks for the visit optymyst. :-)
October 22, 2005 9:37 PM
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