Monday, May 07, 2007

Thirteen years ago....

Thirteen years ago to the day.

What happened thirteen years ago?

Oh, nothing much. I just got married.

It didn't last long though. In less than five years it cracked apart at the seams, a victim of childish impulses, immaturity, insincerity, anger, pride and disloyalty, more or less the same reasons for every other failed marriage.

When I look back, it seems so surreal...like something out of a dream, or at least a cheesy dramatic movie. But no, it really happened, and the living proof of that event is the ten year-old boy who every so often asks me to transfer to the other computer in the other room so he can play his games installed on this one.

Ah, the memories.

What memories?

It happened a long time ago that I don't really remember much from that time. Or maybe I just don't want to remember anymore.

The final days are just too sad to remember.

Do I have any regrets? Perhaps. But every time I replay in my head the events which led to me getting married at a relatively young age, given what I knew and believed at the time, it felt like I was doing the right thing. In hindsight, everything may have turned out badly, but how was I supposed to know? A victim of my own idealism, love doesn't always find a way. I've learned that the hard way.

Anyway, I'd probably do everything all over again, regardless of the consequences. The marriage, despite its failure, blessed me with a son, and that's something I won't trade for anything else, probably not even a successful marriage.

This is my lot in life, and I have tried to deal with it as best as I can.

Thirteen years. Has it really been that long?

Yes it has.





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