Should you or shouldn't you?

What would you do if you've discovered that the significant other of a friend of yours is having an affair, and your friend is totally oblivious to it?

Would you tell him/her?

Or would you rather just keep mum about it?

Not so long ago I was faced with such a situation, and I asked myself that very question.

It's not as if I'm totally alien to that particular situation though, as I have personally been through it in the past. I guess I even had more than my fair share of said experiences, as I know how it feels to be on either side of the situation, if you know what I mean. Of course it's been a while since I last went through either, though sooner or later it's quite inevitable that similar situations crop up with the people within your circle.

Personally I think it's appalling, how people nowadays can be so disloyal or unfaithful at the drop of a hat, with hardly any second thought. And to add insult to injury, sometimes these indiscretions take place in a common workplace, or even worse, within a common set of friends. And it happens more often than we care to admit.

I can relate somewhat. Don't ask me why. I just do.

Have we turned so immoral, so disloyal as lovers, that it is so easy to be unfaithful to someone we have committed ourselves to? Given how often I've heard of such situations occurring, I guess so. These days it is so easy, so convenient to cheat on your significant other. And with most people in relationships expecting the other one to be unfaithful, they become unfaithful themselves, justifying their actions on mere reciprocity.

Shame on them.

Bahala sila. Basta ako hindi ganun.

In my humble opinion, I think people like these are cowards. If they're really unhappy in their present relationships, why not just end it and move on? Instead, these people want their cake and eat it too, that is, they want the stability and security of a commitment, and yet they also want the freedom to have relationships or sleep around with whomever strikes their fancy, "on the side".

People used to be discreet about this kind of things, but now they do it out in the open, with hardly any regard to the sensibilities of others. And with the advent of camera phones which make taking pictures or videos very convenient, oftentimes media of certain individuals in "compromising" poses tend to easily circulate, especially among those who feel that they have a need to boast about their conquests.

But despite the changes in attitudes and technology, one thing remains the same...

It's always the other partner who's the last to know.

Which leads us to the question at hand...if you're aware of such an affair and the person being cheated on is a friend of yours, would you say something?

Alas, I chose not to say anything.

While I do not condone such acts, the dynamics of relationships are such that it is very difficult to be involved in such personal matters. Of course, such circumstances aren't always in black and white, and you'll have to personally weigh if the situation warrants that you tell your friend of what has been happening behind his/her back.

Generally though, I guess it's best not to be involved.

A lot of things can happen. Marriages, relationships can end. Families can be broken. Children can be torn from parents. Suicides aren't unheard of in situations like these. So is murder or other acts of violence. That's a lot of weight to put behind any disclosure that you make, and these are things that are terribly difficult to be responsible for, no matter how good your intentions are.

You know what they say, The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I don't know. I thought it over, and in my case, I have concluded that it would be more prudent just to keep my mouth shut, as I simply do not want whatever consequences such a revelation would have on my conscience.

Later on I learned that my friend found out, and the effect was quite devastating to say the least.

I felt a slight twinge of guilt for not saying anything early on...but no matter how you slice it, there are just certain things that are too personal, too delicate to be involved in, to intrude in, even if you're just trying to help.

At the end of the day, you can't help but feel bad, even if just a little, just the same.

But it's often best not to stick your nose into others personal lives.

Unless of can live with the consequences.


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