Jaded....

Hey. It's been a while since I last posted any entry. More than three months actually. All of a sudden I just lost interest. I've been blogging for almost four years now, and somehow lately it has been a bit difficult to sustain the enthusiasm for blogging that I've once had.

Call it idea overload.

Since my last update I have had dozens of ideas for new blog posts, fueled by the sheer number of events happening all around. Despite the plethora of things to blog about, none of my ideas ever got off the ground and materialized to being a blog post. I guess I just didn't feel motivated enough to commit any of my ideas to keyboard.

Maybe the cynic in me is starting to rear its ugly head. I can only seem to blog about bad stuff, but all that negativity is starting to take its toll on my already pessimistic personality.

Lately it seems as if I've been seeing the bad side of people more than the good. I'm starting to have doubts on whether people are by nature inherently good as I have been taught to believe at the outset, since more often than not it is the selfish side of people that I find myself gazing at.

I often tell myself that there are more good people than there are bad, but somewhere along the way the line between good and bad has gotten a lot blurred. Nothing is in black or white anymore. Everything is in shades of gray, and sometimes it is just plain difficult to know where you're at when you're straddling the border of two or more shades.

I like to think that I'm a man of principle, but nowadays principles seem to be more trouble than they're worth. Argue on the merits, and you get branded as a boat rocker. Even being right can often turn out to be a liability. Apparently no one likes a know-it-all, especially if you're surrounded by egotistic people who feel as if their personal take on things is the only thing that mattered.

There was a time that I felt compelled to act on certain problems which I felt needed to be solved, especially those situations when no one else was lifting a finger to tackle the problem head on. But I've soon realized that if you come across to many as a person who has all the answers (not that I claim to be one), you're soon considered a threat by those whose spheres of influence are threatened by your ideas.

I call it a "messiah complex" of sorts (note that I use the term without any religious connotations).

Truth be told, the establishment hates "messiahs" because it undermines their very authority and at the same time it makes them look incompetent. And what's the end result? Legitimate solutions to long standing problems are thrown out the window simply because they're your ideas and not not theirs.

It's funny if you think about it. Despite millions of years of evolution, despite our being civilized, despite our education, at the blink of an eye a person can revert to a manner of thinking not dissimilar to that of an wild animal whose territory is being threatened.

Yeah. It's funny. I'm laughing myself silly with sarcasm.

But that's the way the cookie crumbles folks. And somehow we try to deal with in however which way we can.

Maybe I've finally turned into a true pragmatist. It's personally disappointing to admit that to myself, but idealism can only help you so much, especially if everyone around you shuns progress for the comfort of maintaining the status quo.