Sunday, March 21, 2010

Just because....

When is a match a match? Why do we fall in love?

I've always wondered what is it that makes some relationships click, and some relationships fail. There are those who say that a perfect match would be someone who shares your traits, the theory being that if you have a lot in common, there would be less conflict between the two parties, thus preserving the relationship. There are those on the other hand who suggest finding someone who is totally different from you, so your traits and personalities complement each other, and the two of you become more that who you were as individuals, possibly, at the risk of some conflict if your personalities don't match to begin with. Does a formula for a successful relationship even exist?

What is it that actually makes you like or even love someone? What is the trigger that turns on the switch in your head (or your heart, if you're into metaphors), and all of a sudden you like, or perhaps even love someone? Do you need a reason to like someone? How about to love someone? Do you really need a reason for that either?

I've had my share of (failed) relationships, and for the life of me, I've never really been able to figure it out. All I know is, you like someone, just because. You love someone, just because. Any attempt to explain the reason why someone likes or loves someone is always an explanation in hindsight, because practically speaking, we don't establish criteria or evaluate potential partners before deciding to like or love them. It just happens, catches you off guard, like the proverbial thief in the night. We try to justify to ourselves why we feel the way we do after the fact, but that doesn't really explain why. It just makes us think that we're in control, when in truth and in fact, we are not.

Maybe I'm being naive. I do know for a fact that there are those who carry a list in their head on what they want their potential partners to be. To be honest I have a list like that of my very own. The funny thing is, while I have it, I've never been able to use it, since the women I've ended up with one way or another have never ticked off much of the items on my list. Try as you might, falling in love is not like buying a car. You can't outright decide what you want to start with, and there is no options list.

In a nutshell I guess this just means that there is no real reason why you would like or love someone else. It just happens. No fancy pros and cons comparisons, no cost-benefit analyses, no strategic framework, no project planning, no nothing. You just realize all of a sudden that you like someone, and that's that. End of story.

Pretty annoying though, this situation. As higher beings with a sense of self, we would like to think that we are in control of ourselves, of our emotions whenever we fall for someone, but no, we rely on instinct, gut feel, hope, and the abstract emotion that we call love, of which no standard practical definition exists. Just because.

What a drag. Would I have it any other way?

Not a chance.

There is no feeling as unique and as intense as the feeling of being in love with someone...and just trying to analyze it kind of takes away the fun from it.

At the end of day I suppose...when the bug bites, all you can do is hang on, enjoy the ride, and hope for the best...and not to think about it so much.

But this way is not without its risks.

We've all had friends at one time or another with partners who don't deserve them, either because of some vice or character flaw, and yet, for all our protestations, our friends don't see that...simply because they are in love, and love, as all of you may well know, is blind as a bat.

I guess, if you want to take a stab at happiness, you just take the plunge with guns blazing. Higher risks comes with higher returns. It's a gamble, but a gamble I would say that is worth the risk. Even if you crash and burn...still, it's a glorious way to go.

As the song goes, whatever will be, will be...the future's not ours to see...Que Sera, Sera.

When all is said and done, you were true to yourself, and the way you feel.

That's really not such a bad way to live now, is it?

If you'll excuse me now, I need a cigarette.





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