Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Nothing....

I have writer's block. I don't know what to write about.

At this very moment I'm sitting in front of my notebook, listening to random MP3s, while I burn another hour before I can take to the streets.

Everything is a blank though. No, I'm not sad, nor am I depressed. Am I happy? In a general sense I am. Maybe I'm just bored, but then again I really have no idea what I want to do at this particular moment, so I'm sitting here, staring into space, my mind devoid of anything, except for the words I'm typing at this very moment.

The music of Coldplay fills the air, emanating from the tinny speakers of my cheap notebook while the setting sun shines its last few minutes of sunlight through the window blinds at the other side of the room. And here I sit. Pondering nullity.

I guess I could go for a cigarette right about now, but I'm making a conscious effort to reduce the number of cigarettes I smoke, so, no. I could go downstairs and check if the ATM to my bank is now online, but somehow I can't bring myself to stand up. Maybe later.

So what's on my mind? Nothing really. And I mean nothing. I think I ran out of scenarios to run through my head. I still have that favorite scenario of mine, what to do in case I win the Lotto, but I've thought about that so many times during my frequent episodes of idleness that I seem to have grown tired of that one.

I called up my son just to exchange a few pleasantries, but we really don't have much to talk about right now, so that's that.

Hmmm...

Maybe I could use a beer, but I guess my days of drinking for no reason are now numbered. Not that I'm complaining really, since I was never really much of a drinker in the first place.

Things have settled down on the western front though, so no worries there. No sense wasting brain cells on that anymore, I have already thought that situation and all possible scenarios related to that to death, and the bottom line is, Que Sera Sera.

I want to do something, though I don't really know what.

I'm not that hungry. Nor do I really feel like seeing a movie. I'm not that sleepy either. I'm not really lonely though...not anymore, so that's not it either. Maybe I should buy something, but I don't really need anything.

Daughtry is now playing.

I'm going to the place where love and feeling good don't ever cost a thing...

Do I feel like singing?

I'm not sure. I always liked singing to myself. When I drive, or when I'm alone. Lately someone kinda likes hearing me sing. I really don't mind...though it's a bit different. There was this one person a long time ago...who also used to like hearing me sing too, but that was so long, long ago, and I scarcely remember whatever feelings I had during that time, and how I felt whenever I sang a song to her then.

I still love singing though. And I don't really mind singing for another person...for her...now.

I used to be in a band, but that seems like a lifetime away. It's different now. Singing for her. How different? Basta.

Maybe I should pack up now. Only half an hour left before seven.

Maybe tomorrow I won't be such a blank.





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