I need a drink....

I was never really much of a drinker even in my youth. My peak was way back in college when I could finish off about only about eight beers max, spread over several hours. Fast forward to the present, and on a good day (night) I can only down around four or so, maybe a bottle an hour.

I usually just drink for the company, for the laughs, the jokes, the stories. On rare occasions though, I just drink for the sake of drinking. I never really did need a reason to drink for the sake of drinking...or maybe I had a reason that I didn't really care to admit to others or to myself. Like now for example. I'm having one of my pseudo-clairvoyant phases, and I'm seeing a vision of my future...not that far off though, only about a week ahead...and I'm not liking what I'm seeing. Seems as good a reason to get a drink as any.

Beer, or for that matter any hard liquor isn't really my thing. While I can appreciate a good cold beer, or a shot of top-shelf liquor as well as the next guy, I never really liked the taste of alcohol. I'm probably more comfortable sipping a glass of Diet Coke...maybe with a hint of lemon or cherry, instead of something alcoholic.

But there has always been this allure...and strange comfort to drinking alcoholic beverages...

Once, I bought a bottle of red wine home on the pretext that red wine contains flavonoids and is good for the heart. "Maganda raw yung ganyan sa puso." I said to my mom, proud over my new-found sense of health-consciousness. After finishing the bottle she asked me "O, nakakatulong ba yung alak?" to which I replied nonchalantly: "Oo...nakakalimutan ko yung mga problema ko." My mom shook her head with a smirk on her lips and left me alone with my empty bottle. I guess I neglected to mention to in order to get the full benefits of the flavonoids, I only have to drink one glass a day...not actually one bottle.

Does alcohol really make you forget your problems? Not really, but alcohol is a known depressant, it can slow down your thinking. For someone like me who thinks constantly...a blank mind can be bliss. That hardly happens at all, except when I'm under medication, which hasn't happened in years, or dead drunk, which hasn't happened in years either. Still, slowing down my thinking is a distinct pleasure in its own right, and actually a good thing to experience on occasion.

Like now.

I used to have a large pool of drinking buds over the years, unfortunately as times change, people change as well, so nowadays I end up drinking by my lonesome. Some of my former drinking buds have gravitated to drinking in girlie joints with naked nymphs gyrating to some techno-trance-like tunes, or some passe' 80s pop song or power ballad. I kinda grew tired of girlie joints, as they were never really my thing, so I stopped going. Other former drinking buds drank hard and fast in their prime, and by now have quit due to health concerns...or a missing gallbladder. Some have migrated abroad, probably for good, and some...I just lost contact with some.

Now, my idea of having a drink is finishing a bottle of red wine while watching an anime', a documentary, or a TV show on my PC. A far cry from several years ago, when almost every week I painted the town red with my buds.

Do I miss the fast life? Not really. I could never keep up. If I did keep up, I could have burned out by now with a myriad of maladies tucked under my belt. Thankfully, I know my limits, and I have never exceeded them...not by much anyways.

Maybe I'll have that drink later. I still have quite a number of bottles of red wine bought last Christmas that were never consumed. Not that I expect to find the solutions to my problems at the bottom of an empty wine glass mind you...but maybe the temporary nirvana of an unfettered mind can help give me a better perspective of this rut I keep finding myself in.

And its a good remedy for insomnia.