Sunday, May 23, 2010

My first....

Last night, out of the blue, I received a message on my Facebook account.

It was her.

My first girlfriend, whom I last heard from 19 years ago.

I look at her profile picture. She still looks exactly the same as I remember her. Apparently she's doing well...and not surprisingly, she has her own family now.

Frankly, I don't know how to react.

I must have made an impression on her, since she remembered me and actually looked me up after all these years.

Though it was 19 years ago, I still remember how I felt back then. I remember how we met when I first got a summer job working at a Dunkin' Donuts shop in SM North Edsa. I remember how I used to wait for her until she punched out of the donut shop where we both worked so I could take her home. I remember when she was reassigned to a branch in Quiapo where I used to visit her, even though I wasn't working anymore. I remember when she left Manila to go back home to Pangasinan. I remember how hard I tried to maintain a long-distance relationship. I remember writing to her so often...every few days I'd mail her a letter. I remember when I finally received a letter from her calling it off. I remember that I was so heartbroken that my physician sister gave me Trazepam to calm me down. I remember it took me months to get over her...even though we weren't a couple for very long.

I remember taking my relationship with her so seriously...and I was just 18 at the time.

I remember everything.

Well, that's all water on the bridge. My feelings for her have long gone now, and I have moved on. It's still a bit disconcerting though, getting in touch again with someone who was my first love. All I had of her were my memories, and now, she exists again as a real flesh and blood person, albeit through the ether of cyberspace.

I don't really feel anything. Should I feel something? If so, what?

I never really expected to get in touch with her again. But with technology advancing the way it is...it was inevitable I guess.

The facts haven't changed though. She will always be my first love, and my memories of her will always be special. Looking back, I was really disappointed when it ended way back then. But we were just kids at the time, so it was bound to happen. And like most of my relationships which followed (not that there were a lot mind you), I loved her more than she loved me. I needed her more than she needed me. Even after 19 years, some things never change. I still love the same way...since I don't know any other way to love.

19 years hence, I also learned something else:

While your first love will always be special...it is your last love which will truly matter in the end.

And I'm really hoping that this will be my last. I don't think my heart can take this strain again.





Blogger TK reacted...

kaya ko delete ang FB ko dahil yung mga binaon ko na sa limot gusto pa ko i add. linchak.

May 30, 2010 7:48 AM  
Blogger Ronald Allan reacted...

That's life. Maghihiwalay kayo. Then after several years hahanapin ka uli. Haha.

May 31, 2010 7:45 AM  

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