Shit Happens

Been facing a dry spell on the blogging front lately, with a recent relapse of writer's block again. Well, until my writing powers return, here's something I picked up from Guy's blog, but with a little twist of my own at the end. :-)

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SHIT HAPPENS
Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List.

1. * Taoism: Shit happens.
2. * Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
3. * Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
4. * Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
5. * Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
6. * Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
7. * Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
8. * Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
9. * Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
10. * Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
11. * Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
12. * Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
13. * Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
14. * Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
15. * Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
16. * Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
17. * Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
18. * Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
19. * Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
20. * Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
21. * Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
22. * Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
23. * Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
24. * Creationism: God made all shit.
25. * Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
26. * Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
27. * Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
28. * Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
29. * Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
30. * Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
31. * Darwinism: This shit was once food.
32. * Capitalism: That's MY shit.
33. * Communism: It's everybody's shit.
34. * Feminism: Men are shit.
35. * Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
36. * Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
37. * Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
38. * Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
39. * Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
40. * Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
41. * Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
42. * Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
43. * Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
44. * Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
45. * Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
46. * Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
47. * Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock<
48. * Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
49. * Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
50. * Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
51. * Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
52. * Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
53. * Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
54. * Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
55. * Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
56. * Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
57. * Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
58. * Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
59. * Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
60. * Atheism: What shit?
61. * Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
62. * Nihilism: No shit.
63. * And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!

And my own contributions to this list:

64. * Extrovertive Mysticism: This is nature's shit.
65. * Introvertive Mysticism: The shit from within.
66. * Theistic Mysticism: This is God's shit.
67. * Non-theistic Mysticism: There must be some other shit.
68. * Reductionism: Science can explain this shit.
69. * Functionalism: I can use this shit.
70. * Gnosticism: There is no shit. (ala The Matrix)
71. * Geocentrism: We're in the middle of shit.
72. * Heliocentrism: We're shitting around.
73. * Shakespearean: To shit or not to shit. That is the question.
74. * Methodological Skepticism: I think, therefore I shit.

With a Filipino twist:

75. * Aglipayan: This is our shit.
76. * Rizalism: This is Rizal's shit.
77. * INC: The one true shit.
78. * ADD: Whatever INC teaches is shit.

And lastly:

79. * Jedi (see this Wikipedia entry): Happens, shit does.

(With apologies to God and the preceding ideologies and religions' adherents.)

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